All the aggravating things about Xenogears: Part 1

Man, do I rat Xenogears out a lot. It's got wonderful stuff in it, but no game can come out unscathed, especially if you're Xenogears and rushed through Disc 2 because of some Final Fantasy VIII things that happened. This will be a three-parter, Disc 1 up to the Thames, then after that until Disc 2, then Disc 2 itself. Think of it as counting the many sins of this game.

1. This prologue is pretty nice but it makes me want to play Star Ocean 2 instead.
2. Let's also not forget that we will not see the wrecked spacecraft or the importance of the naked girl for, let's see, about 50 hours at the fastest?
3. Exposition! Xenogears is among the worst when it comes to mass exposition of things. Prepare to be lulled to sleep with the masses of text.
4. Aside from the huffing Fei's first word in the game is "damn" which is almost a telltale sign that this game is pretty damnable.
5. Oh wait it was a painting by the real Fei! Wow this guy loves painting apocalyptic stuff! Sounds like a creep. What's he doing in a backwater village painting a disaster zone? Could he be a disaster?
6. Well he apparently is yet another cliche amnesiac.
7. The early-game has several interesting key items like Midori's Ring, Mermaid's Tear, and the RPS Badge. Stuff that should be saved for wayyyy later when you the player have practically all but forgot them.
8. While I'm pretty sure healthcare is free in backwater Lahan why oh why is Citan's residence on top of a sole mountain path? Imagine if someone had like no legs and had to cross a path full of wolves and hobgobs just to get a treatment. Even moreso, is Citan a doctor or a mad scientist because we see a cliche explosion of a crab robot already in place.
9. Apparently the breaking of a tiny statuette is enough to say that an omen is about to take place.
10. Instead of helping evacuate citizens like a healthy man Fei stares into the soul of an empty Gear like its his own.
11. Why does the bigwig of the destruction group like to hover in with arms crossed and just stare? Just ruin Weltall's day instead of staring.
12. The best way to make Fei go nuts is to just a kill a dude he knows, yet there's no indication that they would know. Fei flat out loses it just because his allies get toasted, then they just watch as he inexplicably toasts everyone.
13. Yep, there are a s***load of flashbacks.
14. That pistol Elly uses in a cutscene isn't going to be used for the rest of the game. Instead we just have her using a rapier of sorts.
15. Also overly cliche girl gets attacked and gets immediately saved by potential male love interest.
16. Bash the tree, Fei, like that does anything developing.
17. So who's fault is it for destroying Lahan? Fei clearly did it and admits it but doesn't admit it, while Elly was at the scene but also somehow unseen.
18. And also who's the coward? Why so much philosophy when you got young people playing a fairly edgy game? Another flashback too.
19. Elly somehow doesn't get devoured but gets cradled enough by a goddamn dinosaur to pass out.
20. Citan-ex machina immediately follows.
21. Citan later assumes that with Fei laying on the ground, he will have a private conversation with Elly that won't later be mentioned by Fei.
22. Xenogears throws a boatload of terms that get used in just about every context, even throwing them in hyphens just because. Whatever happened to just coloring the text differently? The hyphens are more of an eyesore.
23. Why does the Dazil receptionist not charge Fei and Citan for the sand buggy? Shouldn't he have a quota back home to meet or a family to feed?
24. Instead of chilling out at the bar Fei decides to go desert-walking, lucky not to get stomped on or shot or questioned by the gears bouncing around him or dying of thirst, even managing to carjack a motorcycle.
25. Grahf is all cool and amazing for a villain when he first makes his real introduction but he gets relegated to being nothing but "power" for the rest of the game. Not to mention his ridiculous outfit along with his whole idea of killing god and destiny like we obviously don't see it coming sooner or later. For all we know Grahf chews scenery all day.
26. Fei just won't stop having flashbacks, even when resting in a prison.
27. -Time- and -Gospel-, more hyphenated terms that serve no real purpose or will be remembered as much as other terms.
28. Bart, clearly being one with an eyepatch, thinks it's a great idea to slap on one on his Brigandier gear like it is metaphorical.
29. They survive the quicksand drop.
30. Old man dumps exposition, what's new?
31. Ohoho, Balthazar immediately suspects god-slaying gear and then decides to shut up not to say anything!
32. Calamity clearly gets back up only to be destroyed in a cutscene-specific power Fei will never use again.
33. Apparently the pirates have a lot of children they need to be kept fed.
34. Fei getting all angsty yet again. Xenogears is a game about this guys emotions and pretty much nothing else important.
35. If Fei enter's Bart's room and triggers the cutscene where Bart enters, how exactly does Bart not see Fei in his room the whole time when there's obviously no hiding spots?

36. Game then decides to throw in not one but five villainous characters out to attack pirates and kill children.

37. Also Citan clearly can just pilot some random gear without knowing of any specs it would have.

38. Also here's a trend, five lackey dudes in their own gears followed by much stronger boss, prepare to see this at least twice afterwards.

39. Xenogears apparently decides to introduce four new villains once we reach Bledavik. Two bald guys, one with a stupid purple cross on his face for no inexplicable reason and is an airhead and two officers with crazy popped-collars that would actually probably block off circulation to the neck.
40. How come Shakhan hasn't tortured Margie enough on the information for the Fatima Jasper already? I mean, just threaten her own life instead of laying back and watching her sit in a room all day waiting for her to let something slip.
41. Clearly everybody knows Bart as the prince despite the obvious takeover by Solaris.
42. Also why does one woman have to leave her window open for trespassers to jump through? Burglars get in that way!
43. I'll give the gang credit for how to get Bart inside the castle, but you would probably think of two things, one is that Fei is clearly well known as a God slayer at this point and has accidentally destroyed a village, which clearly is shown once Miang takes note of him, and also because Bart has to swim up-current through some expansive sewer system which realistically speaking is impossible to do.
44. Prepare to see Big Joe a lot. Also he can't fight worth a damn, obviously, but he does cheat and allow his fans to throw s*** at his opponents. Dude's somehow lucky to have reached the second round.
45. Also isn't Citan supposed to be cheering for Fei?
46. Isn't this tournament supposed to be martial arts only? Why is this Scud person throwing s***?
47. The final fight of the tournament against Wiseman basically involves Fei missing over and over while Wiseman does nothing. He must have some pretty badass techniques to get it this far, but now he's clearly not doing anything and forfeits. Imagine having your money bet on that mysterious dude.
48. Also Fei could have done nothing against his fight with Dan to get the Wedding Dress item and the crowd never booed him.
49. How do healing spells miss? I don't like any implication of missed spells in any RPG, especially not healing spells.
50. Bart vs. Ramsus fight is just absurd. Why are Margie and Miang not even targets for any reason but do support roles?
51. The moment Fei drops in Ramsus clearly has a PTSD flashback. Also gonna count the times Ramsus gets his ass beat because it happens more often than anyone.
52. How come the nameless Gebler goons chasing Fei and Bart don't have any guns to shoot?
53. They also don't bother to sweep rooms and just run down the halls Scooby Doo-style, so once Elly sends everyone to her office, they're basically safe.
54. Fei clearly doesn't realize that being jobless would hurt Elly, she has to keep it, at least for now.
55. Chuchu's whole point in being in the game is being absolutely nothing but another example of why we shouldn't have furry mascots in serious JRPGs.
56. Xenogears loves to throw characters who know each other around all the time, even when you seem to know just about enough of a character to know that their role is generally minor. Also Sigurd really should wear more than a half-shirt.
57. Margie definitely is not only too young to be a pope, but is clearly not wearing what generally should be considered pope attire. Meanwhile, all the Nisan nuns clearly wear nun attire, so what gives here?
58. Don't forget to remember the two statues in the cathedral, yet another foreshadowing point!. Also a PTSD flashback because!
59. Ugh, boatloads of exposition and no real playtime.
60. Well at least they plan tactics ahead of time. Only problem is that it will all be seen by the enemies not too soon afterwards.
61. Mandatory boss rush against enemies we have already dealt with.
62. So the best way for Elly to appear as an enemy to Fei requires two things, one is another expository flashback, and two is to make her go insane by taking drugs and talking all hammy and s***
63. Fake giant robot sex scene happens shortly after that.
64. Failed coup? Check. Failed rescue attempt from firing squad? Check. Aveh troops decide not to open fire as the stupid thing walks around and jumps away? Check. Come on guys, there were like eighteen of you that could just fire at any moment.
65. Square clearly wanted to convey Vanderkaum's blockheadedness in more ways than just being a bald dude with a purple cross on his face.
66. Grahf Power Trip #1, and this happens after Vanderkaum gets kicked in too, this is just so the guy will explode anyways.
67. Or to give Fei an excuse to BSOD himself when his allies get killed in battle. That's somehow a little worse.
68. Id flat out asks if Bart is strong instead of curb-stomping him like he does everyone else. And this is usually a man who is just not polite at all.
69. Ramsus survives this. Also second time ass beaten.
70. I am pretty sure it isn't cheating to throw a warship on Id considering that you can't beat Id's red gear anyways.
71. How does Citan know about the Dora? This guy practically knows everything in Solaris it's surprising he doesn't have a superior position there.
72. Also Bart and the entire crew survive the warship drop.
73. Cut now to Kislev's world leaders, where villainy or not-villainy takes place. Also prepare to spend potentially another twelve hours trying to get the hell out of the prison dump.
74. Also huge spherical ship that should not even be conceivable, not to mention weird masked...woman coming out that we do not see until much later on.
75. Rico's idea of a baptism involves one-on-one fights with the new kid, which I guess is fair but you look at the characters in battle and they just turn into forest elves. Except Suzarn who basically portrays a very feminine grim reaper.
76. Also another hopeless fight, although this one comes only after the expository crap involving an outside voice and Rico lamenting that it's the first time someone "injures" him.
77. Somehow Hammer is such a big hit that Fei needs him for the plot.
78. Why does Ms. Cohen even need two bumbling idiots near her? With a good authority and status I don't think she even needs bodyguards.
79. Fei once again laments using Gears to fight, but inevitably will end up doing so regardless.
80. Citan clearly has a lot more authority than anyone to even get into Kislev as a doctor without any sort of trouble.
81. Or a bomb collar for that matter, yet he somehow makes it so that Fei's bomb collar can explode at any moment. Which meant that to be quite honest, Fei's got a s***load of luck never to have that thing explode over the course of the entire Kislev arc.
82. Ugh, the Gazel Ministry. There's practically nothing a normal player can even figure out from what they're talking about, especially with all the damn air quotes being thrown around.
83. It should be damn obvious at this point that Weltall is Fei's gear, so it's hardly a surprise that that's gonna be what he battles with.
84. And in the first round Fei's opponent cheats and heats up Weltall. Fei survives this, but him being comatose is gonna result in some disastrous consequences.
85. Also what are two of Rico's subordinates doing in the sewers after battle? Just stay at the lounge!
86. So Rico and Citan clearly are pinning blame on Fei for murders in the sewers, all because the subordinates don't like him that much. Yet another contrived coincidence people will forget until the moment it crops up yet again in the story.
87. We interrupt the actually fun part of a Xenogears minigame for an obligatory sewer dungeon, one of the absolute worst in any JRPG may I add.
88. Adding in a dungeon map actually does nothing to help traverse this travesty of dungeon, sorry Xenogears, you tried.
89. While the conversation between Cain and Citan can be just as annoying as the Gazel Ministry's musings later on in the game, I will give credit where it is due, it's easier to follow. But at the same time Cain is pretty lenient on the whole Fei thing moreso than he ought to be.
90. Elly apparently doubts the overkill aspect of her Aerods, even though they are quite effective when used basically anywhere.
91. Breaking the fourth wall by mentioning a save point? Especially this late in the game where I could have done so already? Really?
92. Another bottle of exposition, Wiseman brough Fei to Lahan! And he also knew his father! Also Shevat! So much dumping! It only gets more complicated from here.
93. Wiseman also says stuff about attacking weak spots on a gear, but fighting off Stier isn't really doing much other than just doing what you're doing before except it'll take longer. Not to mention a simple "try again" upon losing.
94. The Goliath looks exactly like Chrono Trigger's Blackbird ship.
95. Fantasy communists are quite affable fellows that you would imagine Sigmund having a particularly big role in possibly helping Fei, but then he gets sidelined, almost entirely because of his relationship with Rico.
96. Rico's plan of hiding from the Kaiser involves actually talking to two guards about the Kaiser calling them up, even though his appearance should take precedence and that he tried an assassination attempt on the very same Kaiser.
97. Yay! Flashback again, this time with Rico, something that will never be explored for the rest of the game.
98. Obligatory train-top running section with breakaway carts.
-98. “My super ultra great delicious excellent dynamite bomber special DX beautiful wonderful ultimately rare buy complete merging undefeated transforming I was going to put in a glass case in my home priceless Minigear!!” Hahahahahaha, this alone is worth a point off from the tally.
98. God I hate boss rushes, especially fairly pointless ones where all five of those duds decide to just prolong things. Fei even knows this is meaningless.
99. Let's all pinpoint the part where Hecht is dropping out of the sky and not one but three gears are holding it up as much as possible using jet thrusters to stay aloft. Remember this for later.
100. Rico joins Fei's group in leaving Nortune but tells him that once they are out then he can be let off wherever is convenient. Yet he still sticks with the group for the rest of the game regardless and is pretty much completely sidelined.
101. Big Joe apparently studies the same teleportation and fading mechanics that both Wiseman and Grahf do.
102. So when Grahf ambushes the Goliath and Citan manages to tilt the wing, how come only Grahf and his gear fall off?
103. Of course, we cannot forget that Gears can fly now, can we?
104. Really? The "Bart Missile"? Work on the names bud. And the impulse to shoot them.
105. Once again, everybody important including Bart and crew survive the Goliath/Yggdrasil II crash.
106. More vague s***-talking from the Gazel Ministry starring Cain.
107. I am pretty sure it's next to impossible to actually catch fish by using kung-fu to make it hit the dry scrap you and Elly are on, Fei. Besides, fish will swim far out to sea if they feel threatened enough.
108. Also it's clearly gonna be raw and not steamed or fried or however else fish is usually served.

To be continued...

A look back at: Earthbound

You know the drill by now, me talking about my more enhanced experiences on a game I just played, everything I can think about that I don't say in a full review, gah, so much to say at times.

Again, Earthbound is quite obviously Dragon Quest in a modern setting, enhanced for the SNES and given some pretty neat innovations. Naturally despite those it really wasn't all that different to a seasoned RPG player, and is mostly famous for the inclusion of Ness to the Super Smash Bros series. That boy is a lucky bastard to have been an original Smash Bros character. Regardless, Earthbound is pretty much your average charming turn-based linear RPG, do subplots until you get to the evil that is Giygas, which is ultimately defeated in a similar way to Giegue from the first game. While that is memorable, I honestly liked fighting Pokey more, to finally get that fat guy at the end was great, even if he decides to leave without hardly feeling defeated at all.

The game is rife with things like numerous status ailments that could happen anywhere (homesickness, sunstroke) to NPCs that break the fourth wall or have petty humor, to neat little sprite shows of characters performing on stage, to worms that are worth loads in experience, to a random photographer that won't stop showing up at times and making me think the game froze or something, to high encounter rates at sanctuary locations. Earthbound puts a lot on the plate. At times, it can get rough, even when I over-level with the caterpillars, but there was still some enjoyment to be had with the proper strategies being employed and what to do next. The early game when Ness is alone, not so much. Dude is so slow enemies always go before him, and he barely gains speed so much that all other characters you get will always be faster than him. Then you conquer your nightmare for an extreme stat boost, what?

Arguably the best thing about this game is the auto-kill feature, a great time-saver that prevents super weak enemies from battling the stronger characters. At that point they'd be running, yes, but it's good because having to input commands to finish off easy battles will make the game even more boring. If only games which HAVE random encounters did this, so I don't waste time with returning to easy areas, I'd actually like them more. It's a neat innovation that stays for Mother 3, and should've been adapted for other games as well.

Top Ten Most Breakable RPGs

Haven't done a list in a long while. Let's remedy that. So obviously the RPG genre is gonna be full of moments to grind, shop, find treasures, defeat enemies, etc. Then there are those things that many gamers (I'm looking at you, VeghEsther, god I actually wish I was around during those times when he kept repeating game-breaking strategies over and over on boards, videos, basically anything) always talk about. This list shows the games that are the easiest to go through, usually because you get a character, skill, or item that completely trivializes the difficulty. I will go over what does break the game of course. Games that have arduous methods of getting game breakers will usually not be on this list. I also am not encouraging game-breaking behavior, just listing the ways the games can be broken.

10. SaGa Frontier

What makes it broken: DSC, Overdrive + Stasis Rune

Well in a way there's some work to be done to get both of these. For the Overdrive + Stasis Rune, most people will just recruit Timelord, who already comes with Overdrive, then do the Rune sidequest to get the Stasis Rune spell. Of course, people playing as Blue will have to fight Timelord AND have done the Rune sidequest beforehand, but these are the two characters who can use this trick. Overdrive stops time completely for everyone except the caster, allowing up to 5-7 turns before draining stats and reverting time. The Stasis Rune spell locks you in stasis, which prevents the draining from actually occurring. Said stasis repeats prior actions in the Overdrive combo, without any stat penalty. It's amazing what a character can do by this trick. As for DSC, despite the fact that almost anyone can use it, it has a high WP cost, needs four other skills which can be learned randomly to even unlock it, and the amount of moves in it is actually determined randomly. Nevertheless, a DSC usually does more than 10000 damage to enemies, making it a go-to move against many bosses. Honestly though, I probably wouldn't have won some scenarios without it.

9. Sailor Moon: Another Story

What makes it broken: Time Stop

Pluto is the last Senshi to join, but does so at a reasonable level and with all her main skills, most notably Time Stop. This uses up all 12 AP and stops the enemies from ever taking action. So guess what? Another time-stopping skill makes the game uber-broken, but unlike other games, the entire party can move too while the enemies sit for three turns. And despite this taking up all of Pluto's AP, a simple refresh item makes her able to use it yet again. It works on everything including the final boss.

8. Final Fantasy Tactics

What makes it broken: Using Orlandu, or even just his Excalibur

There's probably several that I'm actually missing in FFT, such as proper utilization of skills, equipment, etc., but these are often offset by some rather tough missions in the game that I'm sure everyone knows about. Still, Orlandu's position as a game breaker shouldn't be understated. He has all the special sword moves, so all bases are covered. Putting him into a map means you're guaranteed to win. Or if you want to give yourself a little challenge, take his Excalibur and give it to someone who can wield it, then you'll make that character overpowered. Fantastic stuff, eclipses any other overpowering method I can imagine.

7. Breath of Fire 2

What makes it broken: Using Bleu/Deis, cooking carpenter

The biggest issues with these two is how to get them. You can permanently miss the cooking carpenter, but he's usually the first one you would see and probably choose. Still though, this is probably the only worthwhile carpenter, because the other ones have a useless Othello mini-game and some game stats or something. This guy however can cook certain items to make even better ones, including full-healing + buffing items as well as stat-increasing items. Being able to make stat-increasing items is bound to break any game despite how time consuming they usually are. As for Bleu/Deis, actually finding her is difficult enough, but the reward is so worth it, as she's got perfect stats for a mage with good defense, a good starting level, and the Shed skill. All worth it in the end.

6. Suikoden IV

What makes it broken: Treasure hunting, Training Hall

With the Suikoden series having several different game breakers, I had a hard time figuring which game would take the spot here. The first game has potch exploits, Master Pupil Attack, rune unites, using Grenseal and Alen; while the second game throws us the Matilda glitch as well as stat-booster tricks that involve dying in battle, but that takes time. 3 has very few, with only characters like Juan and Emily being breakers, and not as effective ones, and Tactics has Lazlo which of course requires beating Suikoden 4. That's what I went with for this one, as two things stand out. We all know how arduous level grinding can be, but Reinhold's Training Hall helps out in getting characters to the max level, even if it gets ridiculously tough and unfair at times. Meanwhile, Rene allows you to treasure hunt on specific islands, and some powerful runes are achieved through this, consequently making the Training Hall go by much better. Now if only Suikoden 4 wasn't as boring as it really ended up being...

5. Treasure of the Rudras

What makes it broken: The entire magic system

Obviously, many of the games here often need online guides to tell you how to break things in each game, but no game I've seen has a magic system where you can flat-out craft magic spells. And you can craft basically any spell right from the get-go. Wanna craft the best elemental damaging spells and the best healing spells, which not only are really powerful but also cost very little? This is the game for that. And every character that is playable can use spells, so even though some characters like Sion have crap for MP amounts and/or magic damage, these spells flat-out trivialize the game well before you can even start playing.

4. Final Fantasy VII

What makes it broken: Knights of the Round, mastering All materia and selling it, Enemy Skill materia, Mime materia

Prepare for several Final Fantasy titles. Naturally FF7 has quite a few, mostly with how to use Materia, well actually everything that breaks the game practially involves Materia. The Knights of the Round, first and foremost, the ultimate Summon materia, it takes a long while to get, takes a long while to play through the animation, but of course it will kill basically anything without fail. Aside from that, Mime is usually broken, while Enemy Skill when used on the right enemies leads to amazing skills like Aqualung and Beta. Master the All materia, then sell it for LOTS of money. Plenty of ways, but even more to come in other games.

3. Final Fantasy VIII

What makes it broken: Triple Triad and Card Mod, several limit breaks, the Lionheart, several Junctions

I think what's surprising is that I didn't put this higher. Probably because the effort for getting basically everything game-breaking was quite an effort, as opposed to the game below which can potentially give several game-breaking ways in itself. Still, FF8 was so complex that it was practically made easy. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, as I started breaking the game before the final SeeD exam even took place. Basically, level up Quetzalcoatl, get the Card Mod skill, and start playing cards until you get the cards you want, then Card Mod them to get amazing spells like Meltdown and Flare right off the bat. Then you got the limit breaks on some characters, with Selphie's infamous The End along with Quistis's Degenerator. Angel Wing too. So many ways to do it and you can do it well before even starting the main plot.

2. Final Fantasy VI

What makes it broken: Wind God Gau, Offering, Economizer, Psycho Cyan, Vanish + Doom, Joker Doom trick, Master's Scroll + Genji Glove, Ultima

Wow, just wow, loads of different strategies. Off the bat, Wind God Gau and Psycho Cyan have very specific ones involving specific characters using specific equipment, but the results are pretty godly. Gau's other rages will break things too if you can find the right ones. The multiple hits that the Master's Scroll + Genji Glove will overpower some fighters, while the Economizer blows the MP cost of everything to 1. The one I used the most was the Vanish + Doom trick, casting the spells on enemies and insta-killing them without fail, as the Vanish effect gives a 100% hit rate on basically anything, including most bosses. Although it's only most bosses though. Still though, so many things to break the game with.

1. Star Ocean: Second Story

What makes it broken: Item Creation, pickpocketing (specifically Battle Suits from Ernest), Eternal Sphere, Healing Star, Tear Gas, Ripper Blast, Marvel Sword, and yes, Bloody Armor

Item creation, item creation, item creation. Good god, this is the most broken RPG I've seen. You've probably entered Mt. Lasguss just to grind too, but getting all the ingredients, special talents, and skills means you're liable to spend some time NOT playing through this game's plot and instead focusing on creating items and new skills. Pickpocketing is often described as a must-have, and if you have Ernest, in some Private Actions you can pickpocket one of the strongest armors from him, the Battle Suit. The Marvel Sword can be a random pickup from a Treasure Chest item. Several character skills, including Claude's Ripper Blast, Chisato's Tear Gas, and Opera's Healing Star trivialize basically every enemy encounter. Item creation nets excellent equipment, including the amazingly overpowered Eternal Sphere. And I know VeghEsther goes crazy over it more than anything else, but a Bloody Armor basically means you're invincible, just gotta keep healing that damage. The game almost seems made for you to break.

My Sporcle Character Quizzes

This will be a short post, but I recently got a Sporcle account and decided to make some quizzes on known JRPG characters. Playlist link is below. Characters are sorted by alphabetical name and span many games, some of which I have not actually played yet.

https://www.sporcle.com/playlists/numetalmaniak/classic-jrpg-party-members